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Annual April ARGH

I. Cannot. Concentrate.

I wrote a rant/ramble like this around this time last year... I believe it's the one called "My Muse is on Crack."

It's not that I hate spring. The problem is I love spring, and my energies get utterly scattered... and I have term papers coming due. I am writing this and not working on my presentation that is due tomorrow.

My primary problem is that I don't care that I have a presentation is due tomorrow. Sometimes in my life, I have worried to the point of having a panic attack about the silliest of minutest of things... I have turned headcolds into brain-tumors in this overactive imagination of mine.

I'm in a state of mind at the moment that I just don't give a shit. I am not worried. I somehow know that everything will turn out fine... I wish I felt like this more often, and not about things that have deadlines. But as awake and as energetic as I feel at the moment, I am having tremendous difficulty focusing my energy into homework. There are a million questions in my mind about a million different things. I want to search the web, I want to draw pictures, I want to write stories. I have an idea for a mock-manga called "Otaku Clone 3000X" involving mecha-suits and alien artifacts and android babes named Pinki, Slinki, and Boo.

My project is actually interesting, about university/English discipline history crap, but it would take me forever to explain it, so I won't. It's just everything else is interesting too. I want to sing and look at the flowers on my window sill (two lavender roses and two pink carnations). I want to go outside and breathe the cold early spring air. I want to pester my roommate and pontificate the meaning of existence. I want to teach a friend of mine to believe in miracles, because miracles are Beautiful Things, and I want him to believe and have Beautiful Things in his life. Maybe he already does, and I am just not looking at him the right way. Perhaps I should consider things. I think everyone should believe in miracles, at least once in a while, though, but I am a silly idealistic fool. I hope will stay that way.

It's more likely that I could teach the fictional character Jury Arisugawa from Revolutionary Girl Utena to believe in miracles. Jury is cuter, too: look at this picture. She is the one with the sword. Doesn't she kick ass? The other girl is Shiori, who unrequites Jury's love, and she is manipulative and mean, but only because she, like most 16-year-old girls, has utterly no self-esteem whatsoever. I have impure thoughts about Jury and Shiori when I am not thinking about other things. Yay impure thoughts about fictional anime babes. Yay impure thoughts.

Everyone should watch Revolutionary Girl Utena (an anime TV series). It is beautiful, and has swords, and roses, and mysterious purple-haired girls, and spunky people, and obnoxious long-haired pretty boys, and angsty lesbian fencers, and Shining Things. Do not watch the movie, however, unless you like beautifully animated things that make no sense.

I am sad and pathetic and I really don't care, because life is pretty cool, and I have roses and carnations decorating my window sill. Although, actually, I don't feel particularly happy right now, just manic and overwhelmed and yet simultaneously content with the world and the way it is going.

I am a Gemini. Consider this in a 500 word essay response, and e-mail it to me. Once you have finished your essay and mailed it in, please concentrate and send loving energy toward Rep so she can work on her papers and happily graduate. Any thoughts at all are sincerely appreciated. Void where prohibited by law.

I love you all. Good night. By the way, I hate daylight savings time. It really isn't almost midnight, and yet it is, so am I only a half-pumpkin?


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All original materials © 2003 R. Pickard