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Romance at Zelbit's Diner
(Not to be confused with Zelbit's All-Night Drive-Thru Orgy and Buffet)
by DQ and Metagnat, when they were snarky teenagers

Once upon a universe, there was a small green dot named Zed. Zed lived in a little corner of that universe that he liked to call his own (it actually belonged to Sir Lawrence Olivier, but he liked to call it his own). Zed would often go out on an evening and be a green dot somewhere else.

One of Zed's favorite places to be a small green dot was in a diner called Zelbit's, which was located conveniently just outside the Petit-Choux Galaxy. Zelbit's Diner was owned by a guy named Dave, and Dave liked Zed to come to the diner because he added color to what was otherwise a rather drab-looking restaurant. Dave had hung a sign outside Zelbit's which said, "Welcome to Zelbit's – small green dots welcome."

Dots in Love The interior of the diner was actually not just drab, but completely grey. Dave liked grey for when he held his infamous all night drive-thru and buffet. But his regular lunch and dinner customers didn't get into grey that much. Zed really liked it at Zelbit's because he got such good treatment for being a green dot – at Denny's they wouldn't serve him. He never did know why it was called Zelbit's when Dave owned it, but he liked it there nevertheless.

One day Zed entered the diner after a long arduous day of being a small green dot, hopped up to the counter, and ordered a cup of coffee. Suddenly, he noticed out of his peripheral vision (small green dots have wonderful peripheral vision) a vision of loveliness (at least to a small green dot).

She was a small blue curvaceous dot named Miranda (Mir for short) (M for extremely short) (Miranda the Small Blue Dot for long.... You get the picture). Miranda had just entered the diner, and though she was small and blue, she was also somehow, for some reason, dressed entirely in black. (I have no idea how a dot would dress at all, but that's okay.) Zed greeted Miranda.

"Hi," he said, "I'm Zed. Would you like some coffee?"

"Hi Zed," said Miranda softly. "I'm Miranda, Mir for short. No thanks, but some egg nog would be nice."

Zed's small green dot heart went kerthump-kerthump. A pseudo-Wiccan on a quest for Lawrence Olivier had met Zed and had a vision (or was she tripping?) right then and there about Zed meeting his soul mate, and she said that he would know her by her drink order of egg nog.

"Oh man," thought Zed, and then he thought it again, because he knew it would annoy the readers of the story, "Oh man." Then he ordered some egg nog for the lady. Dave came out to serve the egg nog and coffee, and he noticed Mir.

"Wow!" said Dave. "A blue dot! Never seen one of those before. But why don't you take those black clothes off – they just add to the gloom of the decor."

Miranda gasped in astonishment because she thought Dave was hitting on her. Then she realized, "Hey, I'm a dot, he's an elephant, it would never work." She also remembered in the same moment that she had no genitalia to hide.

"Yes," said Zed. "I was wondering why you were dressed. Most dots around here don't wear clothes. Are you some kind of Goth dot?"

"Well, I do play Wraith sometimes... but really, I'm just kind of bizarre. And maybe just a little bit silly," she said. "I guess clothing is really just an extraneous luxury, but, well, it gives me form. It gives me shape. It gives me shape. It gives me nifty pockets to carry things in."

Zed gasped in wonderment. "Oh Zigbloits! I've never thought of pockets before!" Incredible, he thought, just incredible, to be able to carry small items around with you, semi-concealed on your person, not to have to carry a pocketbook with you wherever you went.

Even more amazing that the fact that he thought this without being told what pockets were was the fact that Mir knew what he was thinking.

"Yes," she said. "It's something female dots (not that we have genitalia) have kept from the males for a long time. It was just too handy to pass around."

She continued, "But, I couldn't keep it from you."

They were both consumed with a wonderful passion for each other, they leaned closer, and rolled right off their stools (they were, after all,dots).

"Wow," said Mir, "you know, I really dig your thought patterns. I think you're zorblotz."

Zed turned a brighter shade of green (the green dot version of blushing) and burst out impulsively, "Will you marry me?"

"Well, no," said Mir, "because there's no such thing as marriage in this sector of the universe. But," she said in a tantalizing manner, "if you let me live with you, I'll be your best friend."

"Okay!" said Zed (because, there being no marriage in the area, the term "best friend" could be rather loosely defined in Petit-Choux, he knew he and Mir would not be inhibited by labels). "Would you like to come home with me now?"

"Well," she said reluctantly, "I have some clothes and a computer at my apartment that I'd like to get."

"With pockets?" he asked excitedly.

"The computer?" she said skeptically.

"No, the clothes. If so, can I borrow some?"

"I thought you didn't like wearing clothes," she breathed seductively. This time, the only thing that kept them from rolling off the stools is that they were already on the floor. This alerted them to something.

"Dang," cursed Mir, "How'm I gonna get the rest of my egg nog?"

Zed peered at Mir with excitement. "Who needs egg nog when I've got you?"

A tear trickled down Miranda's curve. "Oh Zed!" she cried.

They both went home (after a short trip to pick up the pockets and the computer) to Olivier's Corner. They spend the next years doing what they did best: being blue and green dots and going to Zelbit's (the drive thru, too) and soon they had lots of lovely turquoise dots to bring up. And Zed and Miranda and Dave and, of course, Sir Lawrence Olivier, all lived happily ever after.

The End.


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All original materials © 2003 R. Pickard